So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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