no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
