Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
