So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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