I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
