Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
