You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
