Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
