You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
