a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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