That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
