By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
