wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
