I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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