24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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