good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize