apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
