Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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