he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
