The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
