I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
