so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
