i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
