i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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