Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
