she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
