I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
