dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
