thus making me awesome and them whores
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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