Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize