I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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