She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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