i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
