Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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