Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
