so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
