he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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