man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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