I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
