I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my mouth tastes like poor choices
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
why do cheetos always look like penises
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
