there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
