she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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