Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I enjoy the company of your penis
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
