I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
