i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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