The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize