If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
