how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
