The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
