i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
