Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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