We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
as a side note pls kill me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
