2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
