So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
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You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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