he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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