Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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