Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
