and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
