you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
