How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
