10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
