i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
