when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
