So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
