I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
