I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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