I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Randomize
