I'm going to jail i love you
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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