I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
