Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
