I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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