It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
