I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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